Loving your husband before you get married


“Whether or not the Lord attaches an andros to our phileo love, this kind of “heartwork” is crucial to growing in the likeness of Christ. By working to become more like our Lord and Savior, we will be worthy of the full trust of both our earthly husbands (should we get married) and, ultimately, our heavenly Bridegroom.”

This is a quote from an article by Carolyn McCulley called ‘Loving you husband before you get married.’ Its an article that, to be honest, was a bit confronting for me but extremely helpful. Since I’m now willing to admit that I thought it was time to share it with you. I hope it’s helpful for you too.


Read it here

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7 thoughts on “Loving your husband before you get married

  1. I thought that was a very biblical and truthful article. If only I had read about this and referred to the biblical texts before I got married, marriage would have been easier for me.

  2. thansk for this k-t.

    I really like the article but I’d be wary of the language of “being worthy” of our spouse or, of course, our saviour.

    In my experience of almost 8 years of marriage, more of being a Christian and having counselled a number of couples preparing for marriage, I’d say it’s not so much about “being worthy” as “being Godly”.

    As the author notes, marriage problems come from selfishness. The answer is not to be more worthy but to be more giving – they may end up looking the same externally but the latter, I trust, will be less likely to lead us to legalism.

  3. thanks David

    Paul prays in Colossians that the christians in Colosse would live a life worthy of the Lord –

    “10 And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, 11being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully”

    Do you think its possible to see the concept of being worthy as striving to be godly and live in service to God? It seems to me that is how Paul is using it?4


  4. “So the time a person spends when he is single should be time spent in preparation for marriage. This is important even if he never gets married. This is because biblical preparation for marriage is nothing more than learning to follow Jesus Christ and love one’s neighbor. In other words, preparation for Christian marriage is basically the same as preparation for Christian living. Christians are to prepare for marriage by learning self-denial, subduing their pride, and putting their neighbor first. Once they learn to love God and love their neighbor, they are prepared to enter into the covenant of marriage with one of their neighbors.”

    Sorry for the long quote but this really hit me… A “wow” moment if you will… Thanks for the heads up on this article kt: I think it will require some serious consideration/processing…

  5. yeah i think that was a bit of a wow moment for me too

    i’m glad you found it thought provoking

    wishing i hadn’t keep it to myself so long

  6. thank kate, you’re right – Paul does use the term in a positive way. I’m sure that’s how the author of this article also intended it to be used (and I’m a big fan of CBMW) but I just wanted to raise some flags as to how these things could be misunderstood.

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