It’s one of those things you see in TV shows all the time. I’ve lost counts of the number of times a story on Grey’s Anatomy has revolved around a DNR (do not resuscitate) signed by patient, then disputed by a loved one. How about when Issy was unconscious after surgery on her brain. Alex, her new husband pleads for the doctors to do something. Insert suspenseful 2 minutes before the chief exclaims “screw the DNR” and they save her life.

It makes for exciting TV and until this morning meant little more than that to me personally. But this morning my mum signed a DNR order for my Grandma. Strangely since then all I can think about is every TV show I’ve seen when a doctor ignores a DNR and the patient miraculously survives.

This is a little different though. Firstly you may wonder why my mum signed it and not my Grandma herself. Grandma lives in the dementia ward of a nursing home. She has Alzheimer’s disease. Mum has power of attorney so this is just one among many tough decisions she has to make for her mum.

I think she’s doing the right thing. If something happens and Grandma is in a situation that requires resuscitating, even if doctors successfully revive her, she’s still going to have Alzheimer’s. She still won’t know who any of us are. She still won’t remember how to talk. She’ll still need someone to feed her. And bath her. They can revive her a hundred times over but she’s not Grandma anymore and she won’t ever be again. She won’t ever have it good again in this life. But I know where she’s going when she dies and she will have it great then!

I love her and I miss her so much. There’s never a day I don’t pray for her. Everyday the same prayer. Jesus, please make today the day you take her home.