Tag Archives: singleness

What not to say to your single friends….. #1

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singleness_by_zagatkowa

So I’m feeling inspired by an article I’ve read recently in The Briefing and some sermons I listened to on Singleness. I’ve decide that the time has come for us single people to speak up and help you to help us.

So this is the first of a series of post sharing thoughts gathered from single women about what not to say to your single friends. Of course I should add that what I have to say is mostly specific for single girls – whether or not its helpful for blokes is a question for someone else!

#1 – Don’t assume that they are single by choice

Singleness is often really hard. A lot of single women I know (and this includes me) struggle with it either all the time or most of the time. So my advice would be to be gentle and thoughtful when broaching this subject. Don’t assume that it’s their choice to be single, or that they are happy about it. And on that same note it’s almost never a good idea to point out a woman’s age to her (or say things like ‘biological clock’) when talking about her single life…. I promise you she is much more aware of it than you are!

I want to say that you should encourage your single friends in their singleness – but I guess part of these posts is trying to work out what that looks like. I do know that it means praying for them. And praying with them. And always encourage them to serve Jesus’ name above all others NOW and to stand firm in Him.

Always for Jesus’ fame

Single-Minded….

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2 great sermons from Paul Matthies at The Village Church

If you are single or married you should listen :-)

Here is a quote from part 1 – probably the best advice I’ve ever heard that you need to know when your talking to your single friends –

Every time married people tell singles, “just learn to be content and then you’ll get a spouse,” you are attaching the expectation of a blessing.  And all we do every day as singles is worry about giving it up so that we can finally get it.  And you put us in this terrible spin cycle of, “God I just want to surrender it to you.  I don’t want it anymore. [feeling his right side for ribs] Shoot, my rib’s still here.”  That’s what happens.  And all we do as singles is spend all our time trying to give it up so we can get it.  And it’s just a walking paradox.  Because we think we can fool God and tell Him, “I’m done.  I can be single the rest of my life……where are you?  I’ve given it up.”  Our desires are still the same.  Married people, don’t tell us that, put us out, we’re on fire!  That’s what you’re called to do.  Encourage us in our singleness.  Encourage us that it’s a good gift.  Remind us of why God has given us this blessing. But don’t say, “as soon as you learn to be content…expect to get it.” Because that’s a works based mentality and we serve a gracious God not a God who functions by works.