I’ve been forced, by circumstances, to think hard this week about what I believe and what it means in practice, specifically on the issue of women in ministry. (You can read what I think here and here)

This issue exhausts me. I read and read and listen to sermon after sermon and yet I have question after question and it forever feels unresolved. But this week its exhausting for a different reason. My emotions are leading me astray. The issue is not with the teaching, its with me. My sinful nature that wants everything to be about me hates that there are times when I want to speak and God wants my silence. There are times when I am not the ultimate decision maker and God wants me to submit to those who are. There are times when I am concerned about my own name and God wants me to be concerned for Jesus’ name.

But I know that what I believe is true and what I want is sin. I know I’m being lead astray because really this is a doctrine of Evangelical teaching that I love. I’ll defend it for as long as people are willing to listen. Its been said that what one generation defends, the next will assume and the third will deny. The last generation defended it, my generation assumes it and the next will deny it. If we let them. So really I know this teaching is good because it comes from God and so I love it.

But today I hate it.