So is there anyone special in your life at the moment??

Its an exciting thing when you start dating someone. A good friend of mine recently started dating someone – so I can tell you from first hand experience that when they start seeing someone they WILL tell you. You will know because for a little while it will be all they talk about.

(By the way – I’m not saying that’s bad, just stating a fact)   ;)

This is the one thing that causes the most awkwardness for me. When someone asks me if there’s someone special around I feel like I suddenly have to defend myself. It’s usually something like ‘no but I’m really happy being single at the moment…. Yada yada yada…’ and I feel like I have to convince them that I’m single by choice and not because there’s something wrong with me.

I think this is one of the most common things I get asked. Just about everyone I know has asked me at least once. When you get this same question asked over and over again it can start to be a little tedious and depressing.

My suggestion is instead of asking this question ask them how their relationship with Jesus is going – that’s a much better conversation to have.

#3 – I can’t understand why you’re not married

Before I started writing these I asked a bunch of single friends the question of what they find unhelpful to hear and this one took me a bit by surprise at first.

But the more I thought about the more it made sense. Because while it may seem to be a compliment, it is actually making marital status about worth. “I can’t understand why you’re not married, because you seem worthy to me’ is the sentiment behind this.

Making marriage about a persons worth is clearly unbiblical thinking. In 1 Corinthians 7:7 both marriage and singleness are described as gifts that are given from God’s grace. To misunderstand marriage to be about worth puts us in a hopeless situation – because its likely to make us start working towards being worthy. And if we are working towards that end, I suspect that will take away from what we should be working towards. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:24

Each person should remain with God in whatever situation he was called.

I don’t think this necessarily means your situation won’t change…. but it might mean that. I think the important thing is that we should remain with God, whatever our situation, and do it to his glory. If you are single – be single to God’s glory and if you are married, be married to God’s glory. And that will be a little easier once we are clear in our knowledge that martial status is not about worth.

Because ultimately no-one is worthy of God’s grace or any of the good gifts he gives us.

Read #1 & #2

#2 – You’ll find someone eventually, just be patient.

Anytime I hear this, my instinct is to reply ‘how do you know?’ For a lot of ppl this statement will turn out to be true – but not for all people.

There are three main problems I see with this.

First is that I don’t think it’s a good idea to make promises to people that you won’t or in this case can’t keep. This is something that is beyond your control – God is the only one making this decision.

The second thing that is a problem is the conversation that flows if I do ask the question ‘how do you know?’ The answer is going to be something like a list of all my great qualities that make me worthy of being married, and making marriage something that is based on worth doesn’t seem like a good idea to me – but more on this next time.

Thirdly – and I think this is my biggest issue here – is that this, for some people, is an invitation to live a life in waiting. Waiting for marriage to come along and solve all our problems. Maybe this seems like a big jump but I think there is a certain part of us that is already living this way so it doesn’t take much to justify it. But we can’t live life waiting for our circumstances to change, we need to live and serve God NOW.

In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul describes singleness as gift. Interestingly the Greek word he uses – carisma (charisma – literally ‘grace gift’) – is the same word he uses in chapter 12 about spiritual gifts.

Singleness is a gift. How do you know if you have the gift of singleness?? Are you single right now? If you’re single you have the gift! And that doesn’t mean your situation won’t change, but right at this moment you have a ‘grace gift’. I think its important to work out, just like all other gifts from God, how do I use this to serve him, my church, and my Christians brothers and sisters. Sometimes its hard for single people to see their singleness as a gift, and I actually think the best people to remind us of why it is, and encourage us to use it to God’s glory, are our married friends.

And hopefully at the same time we can remind you of the gift that marriage is and encourage you to be married to God’s glory.

Always for Jesus’ fame.

Read #1

So I’m feeling inspired by an article I’ve read recently in The Briefing and some sermons I listened to on Singleness. I’ve decide that the time has come for us single people to speak up and help you to help us.

So this is the first of a series of post sharing thoughts gathered from single women about what not to say to your single friends. Of course I should add that what I have to say is mostly specific for single girls – whether or not its helpful for blokes is a question for someone else!

#1 – Don’t assume that they are single by choice

Singleness is often really hard. A lot of single women I know (and this includes me) struggle with it either all the time or most of the time. So my advice would be to be gentle and thoughtful when broaching this subject. Don’t assume that it’s their choice to be single, or that they are happy about it. And on that same note it’s almost never a good idea to point out a woman’s age to her (or say things like ‘biological clock’) when talking about her single life…. I promise you she is much more aware of it than you are!

I want to say that you should encourage your single friends in their singleness – but I guess part of these posts is trying to work out what that looks like. I do know that it means praying for them. And praying with them. And always encourage them to serve Jesus’ name above all others NOW and to stand firm in Him.

Always for Jesus’ fame