Two interesting quotes…

Both of these I have read today in the course of studying for exams.

From Anthony Weston’s A Rulebook for Arguments

Similarly, religious moralists often have declared that certain practices are wrong because they are contrary to the will of God. We should reply God ought to be spoken for a little more cautiously. God’s will is not easy to ascertain, and when God speaks so softly it is easy to confuse that “still small voice” with our own personal prejudices.

A little earlier I had read this –

He was in the world, and the world was created through him yet the world did not recognise him. He came to his own people who did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, he gave them the right to be children on God.[…] No-one has ever seen God. The one and only Son – the one who is at the Father’s side – he has revealed him.

Want to hear God speak loudly? Jesus is the answer.


What not to say to your single friends… #6

Holding_hands_by_homarte

So this is not strictly in line with the rest of this series because this is something you SHOULD say if your friends start dating someone

#6 – Ask about physical boundaries in their relationship

Talk about an awkward conversation right! But what a great way to encourage your friend in their godliness.

I suspect most people don’t want everyone in the world to be around for this convo – so best ask this one when its just the two of you. Encourage them to talk about this with their bf/gf. Also encourage them to have at least one person who they talk openly with about this, and who is willing to hold them accountable to the boundaries they have set.

Once I had a friend of mine give me a piece of paper with specific ‘rules’ her and her bf had set for themselves. At the bottom of the paper was a note for the people they had shared this with which said ‘Please put this somewhere you will see it and remember to pray for us as we seek to be godly in our relationship’ – what a great idea!

Of course if you ask the question you need to be prepared to hold them accountable – which means holding their godliness higher than their friendship.

Why do physical boundaries matter?

It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honourable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. 1 Thessalonians 3:4

The Pilgrim’s Podcast

pplogo-150x150Some mates of mine from college, Mark and Steve have their very own weekly podcast!

They gave me some shout outs in this week’s episode so I thought it was only fair (since they asked on air ;) ) that I give them a shout out of my own – Love your work men!

The Pilgrim’s Podcast is some fun banter between Mark and Steve as they interview guests from inside and outside of college and chat about God, SMBC love spot, shnouncements  and various other things. Keep listening to hear my cameo!

Visit their blogs to listen or subscribe on iTunes.

What not to say to your single friends… #5

Is_It_Love__by_ArmyBrat1521

So is there anyone special in your life at the moment??

Its an exciting thing when you start dating someone. A good friend of mine recently started dating someone – so I can tell you from first hand experience that when they start seeing someone they WILL tell you. You will know because for a little while it will be all they talk about.

(By the way – I’m not saying that’s bad, just stating a fact)   ;)

This is the one thing that causes the most awkwardness for me. When someone asks me if there’s someone special around I feel like I suddenly have to defend myself. It’s usually something like ‘no but I’m really happy being single at the moment…. Yada yada yada…’ and I feel like I have to convince them that I’m single by choice and not because there’s something wrong with me.

I think this is one of the most common things I get asked. Just about everyone I know has asked me at least once. When you get this same question asked over and over again it can start to be a little tedious and depressing.

My suggestion is instead of asking this question ask them how their relationship with Jesus is going – that’s a much better conversation to have.

Chapel….

Praying_HandsZ

Great sermon this morning from David Hohne on prayer.

God ALWAYS answers our prayers. Sometimes he answer with a no. So how do we know we can still trust him?

Arguably the biggest No he gave was to his son. Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane –

My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me

Whatever our ‘cup’ is, if the answer is no, are we able and willing to finish our prayer as Jesus did – yet not as I will, but as you will?

What not to say to your single friends… #4

Fake_a_smile_by_Alephunky

#4 – When you learn to be content that’s when someone will come along

Really??

One problem with this piece of ‘advice’ is that it sends people into an unhelpful spiral of working for contentment so that they will find someone to marry. This creates a works-based understanding of God’s grace, which is unhelpful because it’s wrong. Here is a quote from Carolyn McCulley’s book ‘Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye’?

I’ve often heard married people say to singles that we won’t get married until we are content in our singleness.  I’m sure that it is offered by well-meaning couples who want to see their single friends happy and content in God’s provision, but it creates a works based mentality to receiving gifts, which can lead to condemnation.  The Lord doesn’t require that we attain to a particular state before he grants a gift.  We can’t earn any particular gift any more than we can earn our own salvation.  It’s all of grace.  However, we should humbly listen to our friends and receive their input about cultivating contentment.  We just shouldn’t attach it to the expectation a blessing.

(I have blogged about this before)

I think its also important to remember that singleness is not the only thing that leads to discontentment. Married people also struggle with contentment. In fact I would go as far as to say that discontentment and marital status are unrelated. It’s actually about God.

I’m pretty sure I have no authority to speak on the secret of contentment. But here are some words from a man who does –

I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:12 – 13

Paul (who was single by the way) learned the secret of contentment. And he never married.

What not to say to your single friends… #3

chicks

#3 – I can’t understand why you’re not married

Before I started writing these I asked a bunch of single friends the question of what they find unhelpful to hear and this one took me a bit by surprise at first.

But the more I thought about the more it made sense. Because while it may seem to be a compliment, it is actually making marital status about worth. “I can’t understand why you’re not married, because you seem worthy to me’ is the sentiment behind this.

Making marriage about a persons worth is clearly unbiblical thinking. In 1 Corinthians 7:7 both marriage and singleness are described as gifts that are given from God’s grace. To misunderstand marriage to be about worth puts us in a hopeless situation – because its likely to make us start working towards being worthy. And if we are working towards that end, I suspect that will take away from what we should be working towards. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:24

Each person should remain with God in whatever situation he was called.

I don’t think this necessarily means your situation won’t change…. but it might mean that. I think the important thing is that we should remain with God, whatever our situation, and do it to his glory. If you are single – be single to God’s glory and if you are married, be married to God’s glory. And that will be a little easier once we are clear in our knowledge that martial status is not about worth.

Because ultimately no-one is worthy of God’s grace or any of the good gifts he gives us.

Read #1 & #2

Meditations of my heart #3

A few weeks ago something happened that left me feeling very discontent with my life. I lay in bed one nite and cried and prayed in anger telling God how much I hated him for making me go through this.

God has used a series of events to change my heart – and be excited about that very thing I hated not so long ago. And tonite he used a sermon and a song to gently remind me of that nite and the ugliness of my sin.

He did this first through a man named Job.

Job 1 & 2 tell the heart wrenching story of a man who lost EVERYTHING he had – including his children. His response??

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.”

After the sermon we sang an amazing hymn. It is well with my Soul was written by Horatio Spafford in 1873 after the tragic death of his 4 daughters. (The Resurgence also blogs about him)

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

Refrain

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

Refrain

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

Refrain

But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!
Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!

Refrain

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

What a contrast these men are to my pitiful response to God.

So I pray for myself, and for you, that we would have faith like these men and, in good times and bad, respond as they did – it is well with my soul.

What not to say to your single friends…. #2

#2 – You’ll find someone eventually, just be patient.

Anytime I hear this, my instinct is to reply ‘how do you know?’ For a lot of ppl this statement will turn out to be true – but not for all people.

There are three main problems I see with this.

First is that I don’t think it’s a good idea to make promises to people that you won’t or in this case can’t keep. This is something that is beyond your control – God is the only one making this decision.

The second thing that is a problem is the conversation that flows if I do ask the question ‘how do you know?’ The answer is going to be something like a list of all my great qualities that make me worthy of being married, and making marriage something that is based on worth doesn’t seem like a good idea to me – but more on this next time.

Thirdly – and I think this is my biggest issue here – is that this, for some people, is an invitation to live a life in waiting. Waiting for marriage to come along and solve all our problems. Maybe this seems like a big jump but I think there is a certain part of us that is already living this way so it doesn’t take much to justify it. But we can’t live life waiting for our circumstances to change, we need to live and serve God NOW.

In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul describes singleness as gift. Interestingly the Greek word he uses – carisma (charisma – literally ‘grace gift’) – is the same word he uses in chapter 12 about spiritual gifts.

Singleness is a gift. How do you know if you have the gift of singleness?? Are you single right now? If you’re single you have the gift! And that doesn’t mean your situation won’t change, but right at this moment you have a ‘grace gift’. I think its important to work out, just like all other gifts from God, how do I use this to serve him, my church, and my Christians brothers and sisters. Sometimes its hard for single people to see their singleness as a gift, and I actually think the best people to remind us of why it is, and encourage us to use it to God’s glory, are our married friends.

And hopefully at the same time we can remind you of the gift that marriage is and encourage you to be married to God’s glory.

Always for Jesus’ fame.

Read #1